On Friday 25th of February my world collapsed again. We went for a routine scan, all excited, with George in tow, patiently waiting to hear our beautiful baby's heartbeat. Sadly that wait will last for all eternity.
Our precious baby that we had longed for and loved so much was no longer on this earth.
I spent the next hour in my own, in shock, in total and utter disbelief. How could this happen again? How? How? How? Why me? Why me? Why me? The only thing in the world I have ever ever wanted loved and felt fulfilled doing is motherhood. I was empty again.
On my Monday 28th February I calmly and lovingly birthed my beautiful baby boy, Harold (after my lovely Grandad)(Harry) Hope Greer and we spent a precious couple of hours loving, adoring and kissing every part of his fragile and oh so tiny body. I am so grateful that a dreaded day turned out to be so special with memories that will be forever cherished. We talked and talked and talked and caressed his little body, telling him all about his mummy, daddy brother and all those that love him. I know he could hear us and I know he knows that he couldn't have been more adored by his mummy and daddy. We had a beautiful blessing service and have entrusted him to god and the universe. I just hope, pray and beg that God doesn't take any more of my precious children.
The worst possible thing has happened to me and I never dreamt I could find the strength to survive and remember with love the loss of my precious baby boy. But I can still smile for moments and minutes every day, marvel at my amazing son George and remember holding the hand of my precious son Harry. I so hope that never chnages and I am going to seek help to keep me on the straight and narrow. Harry Hope - Never to be forgotten. Too beautiful for this earth and now, I pray, shining down on us all from heaven. He was just so perfect. His little mouth yearning for a million kisses, his perfect rounded tummy, his teeny tiny bottom and ten twinkling toes. Most of all will remember his tiny hands that I held for as long as possible, not long enough, never crossing a road, never kissing a graze, but long enough to feel enough love for a lifetime.
Harry Hope, my son, I will love you, think of you and be grateful for our special time together for always. We miss you so so very much that at times it is too much to bear, too painful to breath, but somehow we will go on, with extra love in our hearts. Thank you, we were blessed to meet you, our perfect son, who will only ever know love and peace.
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