Advice

If I have a daughter, this will be one of my best pieces of advice.

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My Angel's Special Day

 


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This time a year ago I was on my way into hospital to give birth to my very beautiful baby boy Harry.  I have so much to be grateful to him for. If it weren't for him I would have no idea of my own inner strength. He made me realise what is truly important in life and all the things to be grateful for.  Yes, the day I found out that his heart had stopped beating was the absolute worst and saddest day that I could never put it into words.  I remember hearing those words on the sonographer's table, "I'm so sorry Mrs Greer" and I knew that I only had two options. To make myself stronger or crumble.  I crumbled.  But hours later I walked in my front door, looked at my beautiful son and held him and laughed and played with him and cooked him dinner and laid with him as he fell asleep and knew that I was so god damn lucky to have him and that I would do anything I could to make our family the happiest that we could possibly be. 

But anniversaries are always tough times, it is hard not to glance at the clock and think, '... this time a year ago... '.  I lay in bed last night and remembered how much I loved the dark and bed time in those hard times. That's when I could pretend that everything was OK, that I was safe from any harm. That my baby was still alive. I didn't have to try quite so hard.

I hope that losing my boy is the hardest thing that I ever have to go through but I also hope that I never forget those beautiful fingers and toes and every way that he has enriched my life on that day we had our special time with him and all the moments since.  I am so indescribably grateful for the miracle of my pregnancy now and I know that this baby could never be more loved. I still have moments of weakness and anxiety but I have to believe that this baby is meant to be, that everything will be OK. I'm kind of getting better at that too.

Today I hope that I can take another step forward as we scatter Harry's ashes, something I didn't know that I would ever be able to do, but something that will be special, to let him fly but never far from my heart. He'll be remembered in his brothers and sisters and all the veggies that are about to get growing in the allotment which he inspired and shines down on. 

My special angel who will always bring life onto earth.

Lovely Lamb Shanks. Delish.

From Lorraine Pascale's Home Baking Made Easy

Rioja-braised lamb shanks with chorizo and garlic

Once the initial faff of browning the meat is done, this dish requires very little effort and the resulting flavours are intense.

Ingredients

• 4 lamb shanks
• salt and freshly ground black pepper
• oil, for frying
• 350ml/12fl oz Rioja or 350ml/12fl oz good-quality beef stock
• 250ml/9fl oz balsamic vingear
• 1 garlic bulb, cut in half horizontally
• 2 bay leaves
• 1–2 tsp paprika
• handful black peppercorns
• 4 sprigs fresh rosemary
• 300ml/10fl oz beef stock
• 125g/4oz chorizo
• 1 large red onion, peeled and cut into wedges
• 2 carrots, peeled and chopped
• dash honey, to taste

Preparation method

1. Preheat the oven to 150C/300F/Gas 3.
2. Season the lamb well with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Drizzle oil into a heavy-based saucepan pan set over a high heat. Turn down the heat slightly and brown the lamb shanks all over.
3. Pour the wine and balsamic vinegar into a casserole dish and boil for five minutes. Add the lamb shanks, garlic, bay leaves, paprika, peppercorns, half the rosemary and the stock. Cover with a lid and bring to the boil.
4. Once boiling, place the dish into the oven and cook for two hours.
5. Remove the dish from the oven and add the chorizo, onion, carrots, honey to taste, if using, and the remaining rosemary, then return to the oven and cook for another hour, or until the meat is tender and falling off the bone.
6. Remove the meat and vegetables with a slotted spoon and keep warm.
7. Place the casserole dish onto a high heat and boil for 8–10 minutes, or until thickened slightly. Add salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste.
8. Serve the meat and vegetables with creamy mashed potatoes and lashings of the sauce.



Little finger. Wrapped around.

Unfortunatley me around his, not the other way round. I wonder if harden up when number 2 arrives! Now convinced we have a little boy on the way after a very vivid dream :-)

George has taken to telling me that he loves me which I, of course, love. He also announced that because I went food shopping while he and daddy went swimming (I had to correct him as he thought that I had sat in the car park the entire time as I dropped them and picked them in the same spot).  When he realised I went to Tesco he said, "Oh mummy, you're such a good lovely mummy buying us lovely food". Nothing like reassurance from my top customer! Then driving home from the play gym yesterday he says from the back seat "Remember what I told you Mummy.... I love you". Heart. Melted.

So many sweet things at the moment, like not wanting to pull up my top to talk on the baby telephone "in case the baby gets cold".  I figure I should try to log a few so they're not forgotten in years to come. 

Chocaholic

Two recent choccotastic desserts. Heavenly.

Nigella's Chocolate Mousse Cake (How to be a Domestic Goddess)
I slightly over baked this so it lost a bit of the gooey mousse texture inside - next time I'd cut down the bake time to 40 mins..

300g best dark chocolate (bittersweet is best here)
50g best milk chocolate
175g unsalted butter
8 large eggs, separated
100g light brown sugar
100g caster sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
pinch of salt

25cm springform tin
tin foil

Preheat the oven to gas mark 4/180°C and put the kettle on to boil. Line the inside of the springform with foil, making sure you press the foil well into the sides and bottom of the tin to make a smooth surface.

Melt chocolate and butter in a double boiler or microwave, let it cool.

In another bowl beat the egg yolks and sugars until pale and really thick, like mayonnaise.

Whisk the egg whites in a large bowl until soft peaks form then fold gently into the chocolate mixture. Pour the cake batter into the foil-lined springform which you have placed in a large roasting tin.

Add the hot water from the kettle to come about half way up the sides of the tin and put into the oven.

Bake for 50 minutes to 1 hour. The inside of the cake will be damp and mousse-like but the top should look cooked and dry.

Let it cool completely on a cooling rack before releasing from the tin. Now peel the foil gently away from the sides.

I like to sift some powdered sugar over it.

Lorriane Pascale's White Chocolate, Stem Ginger & Creme Fraiche Mousse

I adore white chocolate and these did not dissapoint... and oh so simple...


150g Creme fraiche

300ml double cream

400g white chocolate melted

3 x 1cm pieces of stem ginger

Put the creme fraiche in one bowl and the cream in another. Mix the creme fraiche so it becomes a little thinner. Whip the double cream to the same consistency as the Creme Fraiche then combine the two.

Put a dollop of creme fraiche mixture into the melted chocolate and stir, keep adding and stirring until all combined and the mixture looks silky smooth then fold in the stem ginger. Pour into glasses/ cups and leave to set for at least 1 hour, for a little more ginger zing add some ginger syrup over the top before serving. Yum.



When preparation is more important than presentation...

Cake making for Grandad and Mummy last week...

George's spelling attempt at 'Happy Birthday' with candles!

Making my cake with Daddy & Nanny!

Birthday & Gratitude

As birthdays go, this one was pretty damn perfect. A pamper day followed by dinner out with hubby (gorgeous slow cooked lamb and sticky toffee pudding dishes while the snow came down outside), lie in, pancakes for brekkie, snow and sledge action, pub lunch, a cake made by my gorgeous boys, a roaring log fire and a wriggly baby.  I can't describe how lucky and blessed I feel right now. 

True gratitude for all you have is a real blessing in life and something that I appreciate now in a way which, perhaps, without the past year or two could have not been such an important part of my life.  I used to read this passage from a book of mine again and again and it always gave me comfort, as well as a huge ache in my heart:
" I don't know why we must go through such struggles to bring our children into the world. But I do know that when we look into our babies' faces, they will never have to wonder if they were really wanted. Ours are the children who, no matter what, will look at their parents and know, from the deepest place in their heart, how much we cherish them, and how we laboured to give them life. And in that there is no greater security and no greater gift".